Wow, I never ever thought I would be writing this blog post!
If you’d have asked me 12 months ago if I was ever going to consider Domming again, I’d have replied with a resounding NO!
The truth is… I never wanted to retire in the first place. What I actually needed was headspace to get through some very difficult personal stuff that was going on in My life at the time. I was also once again completely burnt out with the daily inner conflict of meeting the expectations of who I was supposed to be, versus who I actually was, which is a Domme, amongst many other deviant hobbies.
So here I am 14 months later with plenty of hindsight and perspective. I’ve tried to live by what’s considered the ‘right’ way to live and it’s not for Me!
You all know I’ve been dipping in and out of the scene for many many years. A few of you will relate to what I am about to write next. For years I struggled to accept the truth of My true deviant nature. I was judged for My constant kinky desires and enthusiasm towards that way of life. My family couldn’t accept it. People thought I was weird. I think they were just struggling because they wanted to play, but were too afraid of the judgement of themselves by themselves.
I suspect many of us struggle with judgement and acceptance from others including family. Which is why the whole kink thing is considered taboo and why the whole bdsm scene was underground for a long time. Times are changing in this area. I do believe people are becoming more comfortable with kink. Not everyone though. Especially not My strict Irish Catholic family!
Can you believe I was even baptised a few years ago?! That’s how much I was in denial about my true nature and wanted to fit in with My family of origin!
For many years I worked 9-5 with a ‘career’ between periods of retiring from Domming. I tried My best to fit into the system to be ‘normal’. I achieved the status, the well-paying respectable jobs, the degree, the car and the house … plus the rest of the bla bla bullshit that is imposed on us! I suppressed my deviant side and wanted desperately to be considered ‘normal’ and to feel fulfilled like others living a ‘normal’ life. But I wasn’t like others and I couldn’t be like others. To this day I still sit at My desk freaking out inside like a caged animal wanting to escape. All whilst comfort eating and watching the clock. I know where I would rather be and it’s not at that desk with that respectable job! I adore the company and the people I work with which is the only thing that makes it half bearable.
I accept that I’m not like everyone else and that’s OK. I gave trying to be who I was expected to be a damn good try though! I am what I am! We are what we are! We cannot live in a box to suit society and other people!
I now no longer care about the consequences and of how those around Me will react. I am looking to the future with excitement! Strong in the knowledge that I am doing what’s right for Me! If I walk this path alone then so be it! At least I’ll be happy!
As a few of you will have seen on twitter I will be returning in December 2019. Initially to see My previous regulars and then may consider expanding My stable in the future.
I’m wholeheartedly looking forward to returning to the scene and seeing you all again. However, My interests may have changed in some areas, so I ask that you check before you arrange anything.
Mistress Madox