As those who know Me and have sessioned with Me over the years, you will know that I am generally a warm person as well as cruel and sadistic in session. I am a natural Dominatrix (its not a role for Me). It’s that combination that often makes the sessions so incredibly intoxicating for both Myself and the sub. It brings us both into a place of complete trust and freedom to both explore being human and enjoy the pain and control. It’s more intimate psychologically. In my case, giving the pain and taking the control of course.
I can understand how many subs prefer the strict authoritarian role archetype and wish to only session with that character within safe agreed boundaries, which is at least about 40% of My client base. The other 60% are people with an interest in kink who want to explore and share it with someone who is human and able to facilitate what is discussed whilst also keeping them safe.. almost 😉
The difference for Me is that the subs who prefer the human touch, also allow themselves to be pushed that little bit further. This results in an equally gratifying experience for both sub and Mistress. Sometimes with one of My regular long term subs W/we can session in pure silence with only his moans of pain and gratitude filling the room.
And herein lies the challenge for some subs as to where the boundaries lie…
When a sub has sessioned with a warm and cruel Mistress once or twice, I find they can often be confused by this level of humanness and connection they have both shared. They can sometimes make the mistake of thinking that Mistress is suddenly their best friend and the desire to be in touch with Her all the time (due to the connection and bond they have made in session) can be overwhelming and confusing. The difference is from a Dominas perspective is that as much as She too holds that bond and connection with her adoring sub, she also holds many different connections with other adoring subs from her stable, in a unique way with each one.
Some subs can feel put out by this and become insecure and even appear needy. I can understand why this is the case. They’ve gone from deep connection to sudden withdrawal and sub drop. What they don’t realise is that Dommes also have Domme drop. We also have to learn from very early on as a pro Dominatrix to withdraw and take care of Our own well-being when We hit Domme drop. This is exactly what We are also expecting our subs to do for themselves. We cant look after both of U/us in the following days after a session.
So next time you have a session with a Professional Dominatrix and you find yourself in this position of sub drop or feeling insecure, just remember, its NOT the job of your Professional Mistress to fill you up emotionally or take care (mother) you in the following days after session. It is solely yours. The more you are able to care for yourself, the more your Mistress will respect you, the closer you will find yourself in session.
Don’t bother trying to buy Her time with gifts outside of session in a bid to forge a friendship. Don’t message her every day asking how She is, its just annoying and comes across as needy, insecure and codependent. This is not attractive from the perspective of an Alpha woman!
If your Mistress wants any of these things she will tell you. Don’t assume or try to force yourself into her space, mind or life. Ultimately you’ll end up feeling rejected if you try without being asked. Save your gifts and bring them to session. Then you can make Her smile in your own private focused session time.
Each Mistress is different and each Mistress has a different boundaries. However, overall I know I share similar preferences with quite a few of My fellow Mistresses who I’ve worked with over the years in the North West.
This is not to say that We don’t forge friendships with subs after We’ve known them a while. The difference is that these subs We have chosen and they are able to self manage without Us. They are useful not needy. Did you notice I said “We have chosen”? We are the ones to choose who gets the chance, not the sub.
I hope this blog was of some use to you subs out there. That it may serve as a guide for those of you who want to session with an independent Domme without any strings or expectations.
I’m a great believer in healthy boundaries and emotional resilience.
I am available for sessions every week by appointment only 11am till late Tuesday to Friday. I also offer double Domme sessions.